Sometime before 1975, an Aussie dude by the name of Charles Darwin decided (while he was in the bathroom smoking crack) that there must be a reason why humans look a bit like monkeys. After thinking it through on the island of Fiji (the ganja there is wicked), he came up with a theory, calling it natural selection. According to this theory, give mother nature any lump of living cells, and an unlimited span of time, and she will develop those cells into Pauly Shore.


Darwin based his theory, in part, on some archaeological discoveries that took place in 1984. In those discoveries, a skull was found of a dude that looked, in technical terms, "really really weird." The archaeologists believed the skull looked more like a monkey than a human. They also decided to give him a fancy name, Homo erectus (Latin for "homosexual with a boner") Noisy protests erupted over evolution violently as religious people everywhere took exception to the idea that their one true God was not directly responsible for the creation of humans.

The Darwinian evolutionary theory is based on several unprovable hypotheses. The following paragraphs describe some of these concepts.

Mutation

Mutation happens when some cells go crazy, and start throwing out their boyfriend's shit and breaking stuff and calling up the day after in tears begging him to come back oh god I didn't mean it. In modern, developed creatures, mutations happen because of pollution, global warming, or "lasers." Although evolutionists point to mutation as one of natural selection's key mechanisms, practical experience suggests the opposite may be true.

Natural Selection as a creative force

The concept of Natural Selection as a creative force assumes that if your mom breeds five kids, nature will kill the stupid ones, and only the smart, strong, and cute ones will survive. Politicians, however, belie this fallacy every day. Everybody knows that only stupid and/or poor people breed. Smart people are too busy building wealth which they eventually hope will come in handy in putting the smackdown on the hordes of breeders when the revolution comes.

One problem with evolution is that dolphins do not build hospitals. If evolution is so smart, then how come there are no dolphin hospitals Mr. Smarty Scientist? Do you see any dolphins writing software? I don't see any dolphin congressmen, do you? That's right. Fuck dolphins.

Despite evolution's obvious shortcomings, there is one aspect of it that is self-evidently true. The human race appears to be embarking on a disastrous evolutionary path which is turning many otherwise ordinary, normal people into hideous, antisocial faggots who live in a certain habitat known as the Internet. These horrifying creatures are considerably less developed than their human predecessors, and they are believed to be the first step towards the extinction of mankind.

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"Never trouble another for what you can do for yourself."
Thomas Jefferson
"If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand."
Milton Friedman

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I hereby rename this the Darwin Award thread.

For a public display of stupidity.








.

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Greater Is He (That Is In Me)
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Live Search: HE WHO IS IN ME IS GREATER THAN HE WHO IS IN THE WORLD

TUFF TITTY SHITTY KITTIES

You always bring up Jesus...


Jesus was spawned in a manger and grew up to be a power-hungry whore-loving carpenter with a martyr complex. Sometime before 1975, he was nailed to the cross, providing religious iconography for generations to come.

In December 2005, the whole entire world will be covered in snow for Christmas day, and everyone will start worshipping Jesus Christ. The entire world does not include the following: blacks, gays, jews, lawyers and the elderly.

In the future Jesus will return to judge mankind. Mankind will be found guilty of perjury and indecent knowledge of a minor, and sentenced to 15 years in San Quentin.

Some people would say, God. But not the right people.

__________________
"It is the Right of the People to alter or abolish the Government"
Declaration of Independence
"Never trouble another for what you can do for yourself."
Thomas Jefferson
"If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand."
Milton Friedman

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God...



Or rather, the concepts of god that have been dreamed up by people are stupid. The same people who believe in a particular God also believe that everybody else's God is a false God, almost without exception. This very simple fact renders any discussion of the existence of God as an exercise in stupidity of the highest order, but it hasn't stopped a certain variety of very curious monkeys from vomiting off at the mouth about it all anyway. Some of these monkeys love their God so much that they will commit suicide by blowing themselves and several dozen (or sometimes several thousand) of their fellow monkeys up.

It's all good and well for God to create monkeys, but His biggest mistake appears to be in giving them the recipe for C4 as well, and of course, the rest is Drudge Report history. The monkeys are extremely inventive and they also created airplanes and the World Trade Center. Thanks a lot, God. God's next plan is to deliver nuclear weapons to the monkeys in order to destroy New York, which is run by the Jews.

God is the opposite of Satan.

The First Monkey God

The first monkey god was probably just some sort of monkey. One would imagine that worship involved the procurement of bananas and various grooming of lice, etc. It is difficult to know with any accuracy, however, as monkeys in these days had not yet invented language, with which they could write down their ideas and immediately start killing anyone who disagreed with them.
God Delegates to Gods

Eventually the God thing just got to be too much for God and so he invented Mount Doom and some other lesser gods that would share duties with Him. Poseidon presided over Adventureland, Apollo ran the hair club for men and Athena ruled a city in Greece named Athens in which buggery had gotten out of control.
God Goes Back To Basics

God wrapped up the gods of Doom shortly after he invented Jews and went back to having sole control over His domain. At this time he wrote the Bible and commanded that the Jews steal everyone's money and then kill them, with special attention to women and children.
God Becomes Jesus and Starts the Crusades

The Jews pissed off God sometime right before the invention of Jesus, and so He decided to become Christian and begin the Crusades. During this time God had almost no sense of humor about anyone resisting His message and so He invented torture. Many, many people were persuaded by these tactics. Especially practitioners of BDSM, who later went on to create Gothic Culture.
God Becomes Allah and Gives Peace a Chance

The people that were persuaded by the Crusades got their chance to bring God's vision of lasting peace to the Earth when he became Allah and decreed that the brown people could now have their revenge. Equipping them with various and sundry weapons and a healthy dose of virgins, brown people worldwide began blowing themselves up on the subway. At long last, peace from our loving Heavenly Father.
God is Fashionable

Sometime before 1975, God shaved his flowing white beard and has been wearing a pencil thin mustache ever since.

__________________
"It is the Right of the People to alter or abolish the Government"
Declaration of Independence
"Never trouble another for what you can do for yourself."
Thomas Jefferson
"If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand."
Milton Friedman

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Atheists claim with conviction that there is no God, a claim that (philosophically speaking) is as patently stupid as claiming that your God is God to the exclusion of all others. Monkeys cannot know the existence or nonexistence of God, and statements claiming such knowledge are stupid.

Agnostics sit on the fence. While this is certainly the viewpoint that has the most integrity, it is also a cop-out, and is stupid.

Atheists are mostly stupid. Moreover, they have no imagination. They could have had a good time organizing black sacrifices for a cow-headed God, but prefer to think by themselves and consider the concept of "God" to be rationnal. Pity. Jean-Jacques Rousseau and Voltaire considered themselves to be Theists.

Unfortunately for we monkeys, you can't be anything but Theist, Atheist or Agnostic, rendering us all hopelessly stupid.

__________________
"It is the Right of the People to alter or abolish the Government"
Declaration of Independence
"Never trouble another for what you can do for yourself."
Thomas Jefferson
"If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand."
Milton Friedman

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Jesus was spawned in a manger and grew up to be a power-hungry whore-loving carpenter.......AND

you are quit a JESUS HATER huh :-I

how's that working for the people in your life

Not realy, I personally do not think God is without a sense of humor. I imagine he has the ability to laugh at himself once in a while.

__________________
"It is the Right of the People to alter or abolish the Government"
Declaration of Independence
"Never trouble another for what you can do for yourself."
Thomas Jefferson
"If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand."
Milton Friedman

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Sometime before 1975, an Aussie dude by the name of Charles Darwin decided (while he was in the bathroom smoking crack) that there must be a reason why humans look a bit like monkeys.

AND THEN THEY DID THIS ASSWIPE

Makow - The 'Quiet War' Against Humanity The Lulling Before the Culling

While man was made in God's image, human life was Sacred. When we agreed God was dead, we became expendable. That's why "Silent Wars" refers to us as "beasts of burden" and use the "Darwinian struggle" to justify enslavement and genocide.

Satan is not content to destroy us physically. He has a wager with God. Are we made in God's image or not? In order to win, he needs prove we are nothing but dumb animals = MONKEYS

YOU WERE LIED TO AND YOU ARE REPEATING A CUNT FAGGOT LIE

YouTube - The Who - Behind Blue Eyes

HE WHO IS IN ME IS GREATER THAN YOU TOO

How is recognizing that we cannot definitively answer that question a cop out?

Not believing in something that cannot be proven is stupid? How?