Liberals join New California

toxic · #1 (**permalink**) 07-10-2008, 10:22 AM

Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California and we've decided we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro choice and anti war and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

We wish you success in Iraq and hope that the WMDs turn up but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

We're taking the good pot too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,
New California.

patriot2342001 · #2 (**permalink**) 07-10-2008, 10:32 AM

How would all those military bases in the South function without the Northern tax base?? Southern politicians would have to funnel all resources into those bases or stand to be accused of being anti-war!! The whole country would starve, but the military would be well funded. The South, i.e. Dumbfuckistan, would be a lot like North Korea

I wonder if they would still worship 9-11?

ROTF

April15 · #3 (**permalink**) 07-10-2008, 02:34 PM

Where do I go to sign on or do we just start shooting republicans?

Suburbanite · #4 (**permalink**) 07-10-2008, 02:42 PM

oh man seriously. im a little tired of republicans calling democrats socialist... when we make all the fucking money and give it all to them! We're also better educated, less disease ridden, more likely to avoid prison, and better looking. If it wasn't for Texas, there wouldn't be a single full set of teeth. Please, enjoy shit holes like New Mexico, Mississippi and Louisiana.
Socialist? we OWN you morons, we buy everything, we built your schools, those fat ass football fields you red states have at ur high schools come from US! The red state, the "republicans" are the welfare system!

countryslim · #5 (**permalink**) 07-10-2008, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by toxic

Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California and we've decided we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro choice and anti war and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

We wish you success in Iraq and hope that the WMDs turn up but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

We're taking the good pot too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,
New California.

Hey... I'm all for you chicken shit Liberals branching off to self destruct on your own.. Without us Moral types to keep your nose's clean and you walking straight, I figure you all will belong to a Bitch Harem in the new Caliphate of Osama Bin Laden...

California is the Armpit of America, and so are the Other States you mentioned..

I'm sick of your whiney cross-dressing antics... Good Riddance!

36shadow · #6 (**permalink**) 07-10-2008, 04:32 PM

Ya california is on the verge of bankrupsy once again they have to buy electricity for their own state and screw the people in the process. Oh and you have more gangs and gang crimes than the cops can handle. Hell they are not even scratching the surface. You have so many people on welfare you should call fucken Ripley's. You have to ration your water and with the amazing population growth how long will it be before your realy screwed. You have more laws that tell you what you can't do one might think they are not even in America. You live off the backs of hard working illegals. Oh ya ya'll are so much better you should do well. hhhahahhhahahahahahahaa

FedUpAmerican · #7 (**permalink**) 07-10-2008, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by April15

Where do I go to sign on or do we just start shooting republicans?

IMMEDIATELY!!!!

Remember: SHOOT TO KILL!

Head shots.

Wouldn't want these rubes pulling a dawn of the dead on us.

FedUpAmerican · #8 (**permalink**) 07-10-2008, 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 36shadow

Ya california is on the verge of bankrupsy once again they have to buy electricity for their own state and screw the people in the process. Oh and you have more gangs and gang crimes than the cops can handle. Hell they are not even scratching the surface. You have so many people on welfare you should call fucken Ripley's. You have to ration your water and with the amazing population growth how long will it be before your realy screwed. You have more laws that tell you what you can't do one might think they are not even in America. You live off the backs of hard working illegals. Oh ya ya'll are so much better you should do well. hhhahahhhahahahahahahaa

What else would you expect from a republican governor?

FedUpAmerican · #9 (**permalink**) 07-10-2008, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by countryslim

Hey... I'm all for you chicken shit Liberals branching off to self destruct on your own.. Without us Moral types to keep your nose's clean and you walking straight, I figure you all will belong to a Bitch Harem in the new Caliphate of Osama Bin Laden...

California is the Armpit of America, and so are the Other States you mentioned..

I'm sick of your whiney cross-dressing antics... Good Riddance!

Moral types???

LOLOLOL!!!!!!

You mean like THIS guy:

Quote:

Well, well, well! Welcome to the criminal - world Henry T. Nicholas III. You are now California’s newest, biggest, richest, indicted hypocrite. I’ll bet the Republican party is real proud of you my man. I almost feel like you are one of us (prisoners) now, hut after thinking about that possibility1 I decided that most prisoners wouldn’t want to be associated with a bottom feeding hypocrite like you.

Quote:

Nicholas is the Republican billionaire who was recently indicted for a pattern of criminal behavior which involved "prostitution, drug peddling, bribery and death threats" federal prosecutors say. The 48-year- old co-founder of Broadcom, a computer chip—making company, donated nearly $10 million to several California Republican candidates and causes over the past several years.

Let’s not forget that he was Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s top donor.

I didn't realize that you were REALLY a dumb fuck. I thought it was an act.

I stand corrected.

36shadow · #10 (**permalink**) 07-10-2008, 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FedUpAmerican

What else would you expect from a republican governor?

Nothing more than I would from a democratic one. You know me I'm an euqal opportunity offender I hate them both. It is a damn shame I love that state and they are just wipping there ass with it.