Am I GAY?

Lib-hater · #1 (**permalink**) 10-03-2008, 01:26 PM

At first I planned on exposing this test for guy's like Gummy, but I think there are a few others here that might benefit from taking this test.

Self examination test for men to see if you are indeed gay:

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a flaaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay--it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog....'killer, come here! I said get your ass over here killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suckk lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and your in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot or phone booth, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he goes wherever he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you own designer kneepads. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a fag.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut off the jerk. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a burger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge of being a fudgepacker!!

Gummer · #2 (**permalink**) 10-03-2008, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lib-hater

At first I planned on exposing this test for guy's like Gummy, but I think there are a few others here that might benefit from taking this test.

Self examination test for men to see if you are indeed gay:

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a flaaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay--it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog....'killer, come here! I said get your ass over here killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suckk lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and your in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot or phone booth, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he goes wherever he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you own designer kneepads. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a fag.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut off the jerk. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a burger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge of being a fudgepacker!!

yep! you ARE gay..... right out of a homo's poop chute....

orwell1984 · #3 (**permalink**) 10-03-2008, 01:58 PM

Yep, you are gay.

Lasher · #4 (**permalink**) 10-03-2008, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gummer

yep! you ARE gay..... right out of a homo's poop chute....

Toothless freak, you are so fucking dumb you are now getting paranoid, thinking everyone who says something about you is the inimitable Lasher. Grow up, old man!