The saddest day I have ever known is the day my beloved son Scott learned how to play the harp with the angels in Heaven.
As many of you already know, he was training an army of Ukrainian slaves on a peanut farm in Utah when a horrible uprising took place and my beautiful son was pummeled to death by a hundred thousand peanuts. If only he had mastered the technique of L.S.D. administration sooner!
To this day I still shed tears in the supermarket when I pass by the peanuts.
Here is a favorite picture of my son reporting to me after a hard day's work of slave-mastering:
