If you don't like Nascar, then you're stupid, because it's actually an intellectual sport for the pioneering mind.

Y'see, what they do is, they start with the hypothesis "If I spend an assload of money on my car, I think it will go faster." So, they try it out. They spend assloads of money on tweakin' their cars (this is the reaserch phase), then they get on a closed track (the laboratory) and find out if it worked (this is the experimental stage).

After about 1,000,000 trials, they've pretty much gone from theory to law: if you make a car go fast, it will go fast.

Pure science.

Once the Law of Goin' Fast to the Left is universally accepted, we're going to prove the Theory of Goin' Fast to the Right.

I'm doing my own corollary research paper entitled "Can too many endorsement ads create wind resistance, and if so, does the money from those sponsors allow one to add enough fast-car parts to his assload of parts to compensate for the drag?" The short title of the paper is "Lookit all 'em stickerz flappin, Larry Joe!"

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Global Warming is my favorite color.